6 months and counting

Well, this is turning into a rum old year.

If I had made any, my New Year's Resolutions would have largely been shot to hell by now, as they would have included exercising more, losing more weight (and boy, do I need to!), publishing my book and progressing the other two projects in hand (that's the memoir and the travel book), and re-jigging the ten year old and fading Around The World In 80 Expense Claims blog (this last on the basis that retirees aren't known for submitting the things).

I managed to do that, at least, and you're reading the results.  I'm pleased with the way This World, This Life looks, but it's struggling to be honest.  I don't think the writing is particularly bad and the increase in pictorial content make it look fresher, and in any case I'm not after a Pullitzer (or whatever the blogging equivalent is).  It's basically a hobby for me that I hope(d) would entertain other people too. The problem is, while the old one was pretty much exclusively travel pieces, with some political stuff and the odd music or political article thrown in, so you knew what you were going to get from the title, this one is deliberately more varied and again the hope was the new title would convey that shift.  There is more variety in what I've written about, intentionally so, because it's tricky writing consistently about travel when you're no longer working, or travelling much further than the local supermarket.  But after a decent enough start, with viewer numbers matching or exceeding what I was getting on Around the World... much of the time, and a smattering of comment and feedback (all positive), it's slipped.

Much brain banging has gone into what, if anything, is going on - and I think it's largely to do with our old friend Coronavirus COVID-19.

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I launched This World, This Life on 9 March with a splash of half a dozen pieces in a couple of days.  Those of you who are still awake have no doubt realised this coincided closely with the virus outbreak that has essentially paralysed the world ever since.  I've written about it in various ways half a dozen times here, and they've been the most read posts - unsurprising, given the topicality I guess.  But as I'm only lightly (and not directly) affected by the thing - thanks be to God! - and I'm not a medical practitioner, virologist or anything similar, I know no more about it than the Average Joe Public (and even that seems to be more than the Presidents of Brazil, Russia and especially the U.S. of A. seem to).  So it's not something I could write about all of the time, even if I wanted to.

But COVID and its effects have hit me just as much as anyone else.  I've been locked down the same as everyone else in Poland and beyond for weeks.  I no longer feel a muppet walking around shops wearing a mask and disposable gloves (and indeed feel a little nervous about the numbers of people who have stopped doing that just because measures are being - perhaps prematurely -  eased).  The New Normal means people are more likely to be noticed for NOT masking up than for doing so.  My kids have been at home since the middle of March, having their lessons via MS Teams, as have most kids over here (but hardly any seem to have in say Britain - and do correct me if I'm wrong!).  My wife also had a couple of months at home too, but has now gone back to her child-minding job.  I've spent hours sitting at my bedroom window, laptop humming away, gazing out at the changeable weather (spring was a washout and right now summer seems to be going the same way) and trying to focus on one or other of my literary struggles and WRITE something.

That's of course when I haven't been playing house-husband - hoovering, ironing, cooking, making sure the kids are working and not gaming, making the bed, feeding the cat.....all the tons of stuff my beloved has been doing for years with not so much as a second thought but I struggle to cope with all the time (I can do 'em all adequately now and again but struggle when they are the sum total of my days' activity).  I take my hat off to women the world over who manage to do it all AND keep a job (or two) AND hobbies and gym work going at the same time.  It's frankly beyond me.  Well played, ladies - I salute you!

Not that I'm complaining, although it may look that way.  It's been great spending so much time with my family after so many years jumping on aeroplanes and trains and buggering off for a couple of all expenses paid weeks in a hotel somewhere.  It's been terrific sleeping in my own bed, sprawling out on my own sofa to watch telly, and eating good home cooked food (even when it's my own cooking).  We've laughed a lot, talked a lot and yes, argued and shouted at each other a lot.  It's what proper families do, so I figure that until now (or at least until I quit work) we weren't really a proper family.

We've weathered the storms swirling around, thankfully unscathed.  In the first couple of weeks I admit to feeling a little less than 100%, had a slight cough and felt tired.....I wasn't tested so I have no idea whether it was the virus.  Maybe it was psychosomatic, I really don't know.  It only lasted a couple of days and copious rounds of toast with garlic butter and cheese washed down with warm milk and honey plus my daily multivitamin tablet cleared whatever it was quickly with no ill effects.  My family didn't even have that much.  So as of today, touching wood and crossing fingers, eyes and every other extremity that's crossable, we've got through at least the first round unscathed.

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All good then.  But with all the home stuff, and watching with disbelief the news reports on CNN, the BBC and local tv as the pandemic developed, has taken its toll on my other stuff.  It's difficult to concentrate on creativity, finding The Muse and committing something to LibreOffice Writer or This World... when you're gobsmacked at the truck loads of coffins being carted away from Italian hospitals.  Even more so as you see the British Government floundering around, doing its best to cope with a burgeoning crisis but lacking the leadership and ability to do it well.  And simply beyond belief to see and hear the Fantasy Island proclamations that both Trump and Bolsonaro have been spouting throughout the crisis, both of them showing not even the barest shred of empathy with the electorate or common sense.  They are both masters of the blame game and concerned only with themselves to the exclusion of everyone but their personal voter base (most of whom must be even more stupid to continue supporting the fuckers).

Meanwhile Brazilians and Americans by the thousands (make that the tens of thousands) are dying.  Scientific and medical advice is ignored in favour of the latest on-line conspirancy theory linking the virus to 5G, Bill Gates, the non-existant Deep State and Illuminati and Christ know's whatever other whackjob creation the real Fake News (not Trump's ignorantly misnamed and slandered MSM) is spouting via Facebook, Twitter and YouTube today.  The man loves a good (or even a bad) cons[piracy theoru, espeically if he can twist it to his own ends. Never mind that the WHO, the UN and their own medical advisors are advising them otherwise, "it's just the flu, no big deal " (Bolsonaro), "I hear disinfectant or bleach can kill this thing in minutes, can we inject it or something?" (Trump - dear God, the man is certifiably insane but the Republican party lack the balls or humanity to dump him).  And I thought British and Polish politicians could be stupid!  It's simply tragic that a global pandemic hits at a time when worldwide there is an absolute dearth of capable political leaders and not a stateman in sight.

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As the days and weeks and now months have passed by, I've found I'm less and less interested.  I was always a bit of news junkie, spending hours (between working and writing) trawling what I consider to be reliable news providers like the BBC, CNN, The Guardian and Independent newspapers to keep track of what is going on in the world.  Now I simply can't be bothered, now that coverage is quite rightly weighted overwhelmingly towards the pandemic.

My social media activity is similarly curtailed (not necessarily a bad thing at all) with the time spent on Facebook and LinkedIn now measurable by the minute rather than the hour.  With football and other sport pretty much dormant or uninterestingly being played out in empty stadia (with tv stations resorting to recorded crowd noise to try and instill some atmosphere and failing miserably) I can't be bothered to watch that.  My own team plays in non-league and looks to be relegated by 0.0002 of a point by an average points per game calculation that takes no notice of current form when the season was abandoned (unbeaten in 8: the team staying up instead of us 1 win in 8).  Fair?  Of course not.  But what can we do about it? Nothing.

Essentially, I've lost interest.  At least until there is a change in circumstance that means I can get out and about a bit more to find the inspiration that staring out of the window or at a laptop screen fails to provide.   The big writing, the books, will have to wait at least until the kids go back to school in (at the moment anyway) September - I love 'em dearly but they are a beautiful distraction.  I don't have a dedicated creative space I can work at, and in any case they deserve my attention and I'm happy to give it to them.  To my wife too, when she's home from work in the evenings and weekends.  I LOVE those times!

I'll do bits and pieces on This World, This Life as and when the mood or The Muse takes me, like it has now with these scribblings.  I need to increase traffic, get more views, more comments, but I can't figure out how to do that.  Word of mouth is always the most valuable way to gain traction, so it's up to my audience to help with that - so to follow up the appeal I made early on, (I think post number five or six) if you read this, or any other essay I write (or have written) please LIKE and SHARE.  Please sign up as a FOLLOWER.  Please comment - space provided and it only takes a minute.  And if you have any other bright ideas about how to gain traction, please reach out to me - all suggestions gratefully received!

In the meantime. stay safe.  Lockdown easing is too early and too disorganised, in my view, and we're not out of the woods yet.